You do, but then your boss' boss' (you) boss' fires you for firing your boss for no reason, and you have to start from scratch.
I wish I spoke every language fluently, and had the mind capacity to do so.
Wish granted, you can speak every language fluently but then the president catches you speaking Spanish, confusing you as a Mexican and sending you over the wall (No intention to be racist, just friendly banter)
I wish I could go on stage and play a simul with Magnus Carlsen and Hikaru Nakamura. :P
You do, but suddenly Carlsen makes a move that's so good you have a heart attack.
I wish I could get away with anything.
You get away with everything, and nobody knows that it was you who committed all the crimes. You are never caught, and you become rich. You settle down and die of old age. You go to hell, and suffer for your crimes. (Ok not a very creative ending, but that's all I could think of.)
I wish I was better at basketball.
You're much better at basketball. Unfortunately, during the finals of the NBA, you suddenly get knocked down and shatter most of the bones in your body. You suffer from paraplegia and numerous other conditions that make it so you will never play basketball again, let alone get out of the hospital bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time someone speaks a word.
You get a dollar every time anyone says a word. But, with the amount of words spoken by people all over the world every second, every hour, every day, you have more money than you know what to do with. You buy everything you could ever want, many things you don't even want, just to dispose of the cash. But it isn't enough. The money keeps pouring in at increasing rates. One day, as you rest in the indoor pool of your private jumbo jet parked on the airstrip on top of your giant mansion, you begin to ponder the meaning of wealth, and the meaning of words. You realize that you'd rather be happy or find love, and money can't do that. But you already used your wish.
I wish I was a famous writer.
Granted.
You're a famous writer. While relaxing at your mansion, you hear multiple knocks at the door. You find every single one of your fans asking for your autograph, who will be offended and never read your books again if you don't. You spend the next week without sleep just signing autographs.
I wish I could stop and start time at will, and be able to move around while time has stopped.
Granted, but when you re-start time you cannot control at what speed it goes. Once when you freeze time to do some work at the end of the day, you resume and see things are going by fast, so you freeze again and resume only to find that you're in a museum in the year 4927 as the organic statue, and everyone you loved died of old age thousands of years ago.
I wish I had friends.
You have friends, but one of them was your to-be-girl/boyfriend, who just friendzoned you because you wanted friends.
I wish I could go inside a black hole without dying and see what it's like.
you go into a black hole and get stuck and live eternally inside of nothingness...
i wish i had wolverines powers.