The Return of the Ramblings

As I was driving through New York City earlier this week, I came to the conclusion that Connecticut is an evil place.
Unlike Maryland or New Jersey, it's evilness is hard to describe, being of a less apparent nature than your run-of-the-mill abstract evil aura. Yet, I am sure that evil dwells in the streets of Danbury, in the homes in Bridgeport, and in the dismal apartment complexes of New Haven (ironically). Hell is in Hartford.

The first clue to the sinister status of the state manifested itself as I shopped in Wal-Mart. As I perused the local selection of cheese puffs, I saw a man with the legs of a goat, pointy horns atop his head, and a goatee reminiscent of Lord Licorice. Despite his normal appearance, something about the man's attitude made me slightly uneasy. Perhaps it was the fact that he was looking at the calorie content of a bag of pork rinds. Perhaps it was that he was damning a soul to hell while shopping. Regardless, I found the whole experience to be rather unnerving.

The next clue was that the nearest McDonalds to the inn where I was residing at the time was around thirty minutes away. What vile witchery was this?

Finally, as I was shopping for beverages at the local Trader Joe's--it was closer than Wal-Mart-- I found myself accosted by a rather odd-looking fellow with a head that resembled a squid. This chap also had rather large claws instead of fingers, and was affected by halitosis. The squid-man refused to leave me be until I aided him in the procurement of some barbecue sauce, for which he refused to pay.

A post-modern post

Sounds suspiciously like Detroit.

As you may know, I live in the vicinity of Washington DC. Earlier today, it was 65 Fahrenheit, or roughly 18 Celsius. We are predicted to get seven inches of snow overnight.
Clearly, a supervillain was not paid enough money to stop him from using the weather machine he made.

@StateYourPoint said in #3:
> Sounds suspiciously like Detroit.
I wouldn’t know. Due to a series of events involving a gypsy curse, a squirmle, and the Polish national women’s basketball team, I am now unable to visit Detroit.

DIY COMMUNIST EXORCISM KIT:

We've all met someone who has been possessed by the spirit of communism. They're easy to spot: They say things about how capitalism is the cause of life's problems; they have long, unkept beards; they've read exactly one book by Karl Marx (and it's the short one); and they burst into flames when entering the New York Stock Exchange.
As you are well aware, these people are suuuuuuuper annoying. Luckily, this post will supply you with all you need to defeat the annoying spirit!
Here's the laissez-fairexorcism process:
1. shout "The power of Coase compels you!" If the demon responds, and his opportunity cost isn't too high, this might allow you to bargain. For example, he might shut up for a bag of cheetos
2. Wave this around:

3. Sprinkle the spirit with holy water, and then remind the spirit that it's the opium of the masses. This should make the spirit sleepy, and thus less talkative.

Not to toot my own horn, but I think the Keynesian cross in the above post was a stroke of brilliance.

My old computer died. Let's have a moment of silence for hp Lovecraft.

If God is in charge of Heaven, and Satan rules Hell, who runs Purgatory?

I have devised a few solutions to doping scandals in the Olympics. My two favorites:
1. Allow anyone suspected of doping to compete. However, there's a twist. Give those guys from the biathlon a tranq gun and allow them to earn bonus points by popping the suspected doper. If the doper passes out, we'll know that he wasn't really doping. If he shrugs it off, ban him, his family, his associates, and his favorite NFL team from future Olympic events.
2. In the spirit of equality and generosity that the Olympic games strive to present, mandate that dopers bring enough to share with all other competitors.