Sept 15: Chess is Frustrating

Hi all,

What a rough day. I'm not going to show the games I played today because most of them were pretty poor quality, because by and large the chess I played today was quite low quality. I'll show the puzzles I did and the master game I reviewed but it's pretty clear to me I need to shift my mindset, so I'll talk about that before I get into the other stuff.

The consequences of trying too hard
This is something I mentioned in my previous "serious day" post. Essentially, I felt very stressed from the onset of today's games, and even though I took breaks in between, I was not able to shake that feeling in any of my games; I would second guess which move in the opening was "most accurate" and questioning my decisions. Invariably, I'd hang something stupid and kick myself for it after the game, feeling disappointed and exasperated.

I noticed some similar problems when I volunteered to analyse random people's games for them some time; it's good practice for me, as I've been thinking about becoming a chess coach at some point (though I'm still in the early stages of my own chess journey) and I was sure I could help people fix up their play!

But, as the requests came in and I went over the games with a fine-toothed comb, I started to have less and less actual insight into the positions I was looking at. The more I tried to preach the dogma of chess principles to people, the less accurate and in-tune my analysis became. And even worse, I started losing games I wouldn't have had any trouble with before!
This perplexed me. I did the last of the analyses, thanked everyone, and announced I wouldn't be doing any more, but afterwards it took about a week for me to feel like I was starting to play good chess again.

I recognise this same feeling now; a feeling of anxiety in my chest, a confused headache growing after 5 moves of known theory, and an overwhelming feeling that the game is so complex it is impossible to master. Chess sucks.

Why chess is a beautiful game and losses are not shameful
Usually, at least for me, I find myself in the above predicament when there is some self-inflicted pressure, or perceived pressure from others, to perform; for example I often get incredibly nervous in the days leading up to important tournaments that I have been looking forward to, or when I set myself a solid rating goal. Or as it happens, when people are observing me. (Like you are right now!)

When I feel this pressure, I find myself enjoying the game less and less, focussing more on getting results than enjoying the process of playing, and becoming overwhelmed by it all.

The truth is, chess is simply a game that we play for fun, and I think many of us see it different ways
You can see chess as an argument or a debate, where the language is the movements of the pieces, the syntax is basic chess concepts, and each move a statement made in support of ones hypothesis.
You can see it as an art, with each player adding what they see as the natural continuation to the flow of the game.
I could go on but I know that entertaining other people's analogies can become tiresome, and I'm sure you have your own vision of the game; perhaps you don't need an analogy.

My point is that it is too beautiful a game to treat as a chore. Someone who expects you to see everything and win every game is delusional, especially if that person is yourself.
One way I calm myself down before tournaments is to ask myself to consider: "What would happen if you went into this tournament, played all 7 games with all your might, and came out scoring 0/7? Could you live with yourself?" Put succinctly, what's the worst that could happen? Usually, upon reflection, I realise that, although it might be rough, it is not bad enough to be worth worrying about. Plus this means that every point I score is better than it could have been!

Of course this is all well and good, but when you are actually trying to get better at the game this might seem a bit too relaxed. This does not conform to the grind mentality at all! I believe there is a happy medium between playing just for fun and working hard to improve your level.

What's the better way to approach chess development?
Well, obviously, I haven't mastered this yet, as evidenced by today! But here are some general tips, as someone who has swung on both sides of the pendulum.

#1: Don't play or study when you're not in the right headspace.
Pretty simple, but very important; I could have saved a few rating points today if I had just stopped after the first game, where I noticed I was focussing on the wrong things. Also, if you make playing while tilted a habit, it just enforces the behaviour and will mean you are not doing yourself a favour in the long run.
#2: Have the self-confidence to fail.
Failure can actually be really hard to do constructively. It requires you to not care about looking dumb, to take ownership of your mistake, and to accept the lessons that come with it.
Remember that the person who makes you feel stupid for failing is not worth your time to listen to, and that a single mistake does not determine anything about you. Take it with good humour; laugh it off, don't dwell on it, and just try not to do it again.
#3: Build your chess culture.
In order to get better you must know what good options are at your disposal in any given position, and quickly discard the bad options. Experience will help you learn what is good and what is bad, but you can accelerate this process by surrounding yourself with high quality games.

So will I be changing anything about how I study or blog? We'll see but I don't think I need to change too much. I'll be focussing on quality of play, I'll play in zen mode, and I think I can still get up to 2350 by the end of the year but I'll just try not to think about that and focus on a game at a time instead. :)

Okay, if you're just here for the chess, here are the puzzles I did today:

#1
Puzzle rating: 2201
Time taken: 3:12 mins
Failed

#2
Puzzle rating: 2026
Time taken: 10:26 mins
Solved

#3
Puzzle rating: 2033
Time taken: 14:52 mins
Solved

Today's master game!
I decided to go through a game of Petrosian's! Little did I know this game had a reputation...

Enjoy!

I have an OTB tournament to organise at my club tomorrow, with some luck I'll be able to play. I'll probably just chill tomorrow, take it easy on the chess, but we'll see what happens.

Until tomorrow!