Turns out I really just don't know how to play closed positions, and the parts when black DID have an advantage I thought I was at like -13.2 or something.
en.lichess.org/VmKYrzFo/whiteTurns out it's just that I don't know how to play closed positions.
Hatterix, Hatterix. The post-cheater full of hat tricks.
Why not 11 Nxb5?
Why not 12 Nxb5?
Why not 13 Nxb5?
Why not 16 a4?
11: Because I didn't see it.
12: Because I didn't see it.
13: Because I didn't see it.
16: Because I wouldn't be able to play Ne7.
Ok it just looks a bit strange that both players leave a pawn up for grabbing 3 moves until white finally notices it and takes it.
16 a4 looks simple: one pawn more, a protected passed b-pawn, go for an endgame and win. The manoeuvre 16 Na4 and then back 17 Nc3 just wastes two tempi.
27. g3? Instead maybe Ne1...